Sleep On It
by Smackalicious
Summary: Fin realizes he needs to be there for Amanda and help her, whether she likes it or not. That's what partners do. But is he just being a partner, or is it something more? Tag to Gambler's Fallacy. ONESHOT.


Amanda closed the door to Benson's office, trying to stave off the tears she felt building. She met Fin's gaze as he turned to look at her, and she sensed Nick watching her, too, but all her attention was on her partner. He was upset with her, really upset. And she didn't blame him. She didn't blame anyone for being mad at her. She was mad at herself for getting into this situation in the first place. But addiction doesn't stop just because you want it to, and she knew she was going to have to work a lot harder to keep things under control and win against her gambling, pun very much not intended.

She ignored Nick and headed straight for Fin, watching the expression in his eyes for a moment, how it had changed from frustration, anger, and hurt to simple concern for her well-being. "I'm sorry," she said, the apology coming out just barely louder than a whisper. "I should have told you. You're my partner, and you deserved to know."

Fin glanced over at Nick's desk, feeling the younger detective's eyes on them, and Nick looked away, though it was obvious he was still listening, so Fin pushed himself to his feet. His hand hovered behind Amanda's shoulder, barely touching her, as he guided her from the squad room. "C'mon, let's go talk somewhere more private," he said, keeping his own voice low.

Amanda nodded as Fin led her to the bunks, closing the door behind them once they were inside. It wasn't necessarily the best spot for a heart-to-heart, but it was somewhere they both felt comfortable, and that was the most important thing at the moment.

Fin sat on one of the beds, while Amanda remained standing. He leaned forward, resting his arms on his knees. "I really wish you would've come to me," he started, and when Amanda opened her mouth to interrupt, he held up a hand, signaling that he had more to say, "but I get it. The less people who knew, the better. At least you went to Liv. That's good." He looked up at her and she nodded quickly, but still looked uncomfortable, her arms crossed over her chest in a semi-hug.

Fin just watched her for a few moments, blinking slowly. He doubted it made her feel any more at ease, but he was still trying to figure her out. She was younger than him, but she already had years of experience as a cop, and here was someone he trusted day in and day out with his life . . . looking like a scared little girl. And he wasn't an emotional guy, didn't let people affect him if he could avoid it, but seeing Amanda like that loosened the vise around his heart, and he felt the need to tell her just what he was feeling.

"I'm scared for you, Manda," he finally said. That got her attention and she gave him a curious look, likely less about why he was worried and more why he was actually telling her. This wasn't how they operated. "You've got yourself into something bad here, and I meant what I said earlier. Whatever it is, just stop. I know that's easier said than done, but I don't want to lose my partner."

The honesty of his words were enough to bring on Amanda's tears again, and she held a hand up to her face as she started crying, and apologized once more. "I'm sorry, Fin. I know I deserve your anger, and Liv's, Nick's, whoever. I'm just so . . . done." She took a few steps back so she could lean against the wall and rested her head against it, letting out a deep breath. "And you shouldn't have given me that money. I can't owe you, Fin. And it was kinda dumb. You don't give money to an addict." She shook her head, letting it roll back and forth against the wall, then closed her eyes as she continued to speak. "I want you to trust me again, and I'm willing to do whatever is necessary to keep my job here. You know, I may as well try to help other people, since I can't seem to help myself." She didn't open her eyes, just pressed her lips together hard as the tears flowed more freely down her cheeks, and she finally turned into the wall, unable to keep her tears hidden any longer, and her shoulders shook from the force of her sobs.

Fin frowned at the sight before him and stood, carefully making his way over to stand behind her. He waited a few seconds for her to acknowledge his presence, try to blow her crying off as nothing, as she was so prone to do, but she did nothing, just continued sobbing, so he rested a hand on her shoulder and used the other to pull her around so she was facing him. He didn't force her to look up at him, knew that was pointless at the moment, but instead drew her to him, letting her use him in whatever way she needed.

Thankfully, she didn't push him away, though he wasn't sure if that was because she wanted his comfort or because she didn't have the strength to fight him. He sure as hell hoped it was the former.

Fin lifted a hand to run over her head, an action he hoped would be soothing, and spoke to her the way he would a victim, his tone soft and calming. "It's okay, Manda. I got you."

His words finally seemed to break through the fog that was Amanda's despair and she seemed to realize he was there, holding her and stroking her hair like she was a frightened animal, and her hands found their way to his back as she pressed her face against his chest, too far gone to even be ashamed of being so vulnerable in front of her partner. She knew somewhere inside that he wouldn't judge her for crying, for breaking down, but she still felt weak whenever it happened. This time was no different.

Fin didn't say anything as Amanda cried into his shirt, just moved his arms so he was hugging her, tightly but not so hard she couldn't breathe, just enough so she would know he wasn't letting her go, he was there for her and would stay there. They stood like that for what seemed like hours, but was in reality mere minutes, and then Fin heard Amanda mumbling something. He had to strain to get it, but when he did understand, he felt his heart drop.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. . ." She repeated the words over and over, as if by apologizing, she could erase everything that had happened in the past few days, everything that had led to this.

It was in those words and how she clung to him that Fin realized he wasn't just dealing with his partner – he was dealing with a victim. Amanda had been a victim of herself for years, and she seemed to know it before, when she first came to him about her gambling, but now it seemed she finally realized what she stood to lose from her addiction. Fin knew he had to handle this carefully, because of the nature of their relationship, but he also had experience. He wouldn't treat her like he would another victim, but he made a vow to not be as harsh on her as he may have been in any other circumstance.

Amanda was still mumbling into his chest so he interrupted her. "Hey, stop that," he said quietly, and she did as he said, but didn't loosen her grip on him. "I know you're sorry, and I forgive you. The important thing now is getting you better, okay?" He waited for her to respond and she did after a moment, nodding against his chest, though she remained quiet. He let out a breath; it wasn't much, but it was a start. "Come on, I'm taking you home with me." He broke the hug then, turning for the door, and his words seemed to bring Amanda back to life.

"Fin, no, you don't have to. . ."

He looked back at her, meeting her eyes for the first time since they'd entered the room. "I know I don't _have _to. I _want _to. Let me help you, Amanda. You need help, and I want to give it to you."

She opened her mouth as if to argue with him again, but then closed it again as she nodded. "You're right. Thanks. I hope," she paused to clear her throat, "I hope this is the last time you have to do this."

Fin leaned in closer to her. "I will _always_ have your back, Amanda. Don't doubt that. But you gotta stop this. I can only do so much." Amanda nodded, and he could see fresh tears shimmering in her eyes as she swiped at her face. "And enough with the tears." He smiled a little to take the sting out of his words. "It'll be okay."

Somehow, Amanda knew he was right. She was determined to change this time, for good. She had something to prove, not only to Fin and the rest of the squad, but to herself. She wasn't the type of person to give up on something because it was difficult, and while she wasn't looking forward to the journey, she recognized it as being necessary.

She nodded again, attempting a smile. "Okay. Yeah."

"Come on," Fin said, reaching out for her as he opened the door. She stepped forward, looking up at his face one last time before she left the room, as if to make sure she was making the right decision. But it wasn't something she really had to question; she trusted Fin probably more than anybody else, and she knew he only had her best interests in mind. He wasn't the type to use a situation to his advantage in the first place, and she knew from everything he'd done for her already that he wouldn't try anything if she went home with him.

They stepped out into the hallway, Fin's hand on her shoulder again, and Amanda took a deep breath, knowing she had to fight her own temptations if she wanted this to work out. Not only gambling, but one other thing she'd used to get what she wanted, particularly from Nate – sex.

"I'm gonna go talk to Liv." Fin's voice broke her train of thought, and she looked up at him as he stopped in front of her. "You're not gonna run, are you?"

She fought the urge to roll her eyes and just shook her head. "No, I'm done with that," she said quietly, and Fin nodded, squeezing her shoulder before he headed back to the squad room and Benson's office, leaving her alone in the hallway.

Amanda saw a bench nearby and moved to sit, her legs suddenly feeling too weak to hold her. She jammed her hands between her knees, staring down at the floor as she tried to get her emotions under control. She wasn't sure what was going on in her head, how all the anger and frustration had dissipated and the gravity of the situation had crashed down on her. She got lucky, so lucky. She should be in prison right now. And if they hadn't been so short staffed, she would be out of a job at SVU, gone to who knows where, where she probably wouldn't get so many second chances. She should be grateful, and she was, but all she could think about was how Fin was taking her back to his place and how easy it would be to give in and seduce him, just to have that release. She knew he wanted her, had caught his eyes on her in a less than professional way, and she had to admit she was curious about him, as well. It would be easy, so damn easy. . .

"You ready to go?" She looked up at the sound of Fin's voice and nodded, standing to meet him.

They walked a few feet before Amanda spoke. "I take it she wasn't very happy with you taking pity on me," she said, not bothering to look at him.

Fin stopped and turned her to face him. "First off, this is no pity party. I don't believe in that stuff, and I think you know that." Amanda didn't say anything, but he knew she heard him. "And secondly, she's just doing her job. The dynamic's different now. As long as you do your job, she'll get over it. I'll make sure of it."

Amanda shook her head. "You've been here way longer than I have, Fin. I appreciate you going to bat for me, but I don't need you risking your relationship with Liv. I can take care of myself."

"Haven't you heard a word I've said?" Fin asked, frustration seeping through his words. "You're my _partner_. That's not something I take lightly. And I know she gets that. And whether you like it or not, you can't do this alone. I've respected your right to make your own choices, but I want you to take care of yourself and you haven't been doing that. Help me help you, Amanda. I wouldn't do it for just anyone."

Amanda looked down at the floor. She knew he had a point, and she felt very grateful that someone cared about her that much to _want _to help her – and it wasn't just because she was his partner, she was well aware of that. He was just trying to help, she had to keep telling herself that. It was just hard to let someone in, with the type of people she had in her past.

She finally looked up at him, finding him giving her the same concerned look he'd given her when they'd met at the bar. "Okay," she said, and it was all she needed to say, because he nodded and started walking again, his hand on her back.

"So, what did you have in mind?" Amanda asked as Fin opened the door to his apartment, reaching in to flip on a light as he let Amanda enter ahead of him. "We gonna order a pizza, do each other's hair, talk about boys?" She laughed at the expression on Fin's face, walking to his couch and plopping down on it as he entered the kitchen to get them something to drink.

He returned a few moments later, handing her a bottle of beer. "The pizza sounds doable, but while I could give you some mean cornrows, I think I'm gonna pass on doing your hair, and I'm not gonna touch 'talking about boys' with a 10-foot stick."

Amanda laughed again as she twisted off the cap on her bottle, leaning back against the couch and taking a drink. She thought about how good it felt to laugh; it felt like she hadn't laughed in ages. "So we order a pizza. Then what?"

Fin shrugged and collapsed on the opposite end of the couch. "You need someone to talk to?"

She couldn't help but roll her eyes at that question. She should have seen it coming, though it surprised her coming from Fin. "You really want to listen to my problems?" She tried laughing it off, but knew it was a pathetic attempt.

"I know this isn't really our thing, but obviously how we've been doing things isn't working, so I'm willing to change if you are."

Amanda shook her head, rubbing her forehead before looking back to him. "This is not your problem, Fin. And I appreciate you wanting to help, but. . ."

"But what?" He leaned forward, his expression eager. "Listen to me, Amanda. Do you trust me?"

"Of course," she responded almost immediately.

"Then what's the problem? I know I'm no Mr. Rogers, but I have enough experience. . ."

"I am _not _a victim," Amanda interrupted, her eyes blazing with anger. "Don't you dare treat me like one." She stood up and Fin grabbed her wrist, leaving her glaring down at him. "What, you gonna force me to stay?"

"I just wanna help you, Manda," he said, not letting her anger faze him. He did have experience with victims and he knew he needed to tread carefully with Amanda, but he also knew he needed to push if he wanted results. "I don't want to see you like this anymore." He paused and Amanda thought he was done speaking, but just as she tried to yank her arm away, he spoke again. "I care about you too much."

Whatever Amanda had anticipated from him, that wasn't it, and it shocked her into sitting back down. She met Fin's eyes and saw he was fighting something, debating in his head, and she suddenly was too curious to even think about leaving. But she also realized he wasn't just going to tell her, especially if she interrupted, so she stayed quiet, hoping the silence would spur him into elaborating.

"I'm not gonna lie and tell you I think about you like a sister or, worse, a daughter," he said after a moment, and Amanda just listened, not reacting yet. "I think you know better than that." Amanda didn't say anything, just nodded. "I never really got how male and female partners could risk their jobs because they had the hots for each other. And then I started working at SVU. This isn't your ordinary police duty, you know that. You get . . . attached to people. I saw that with Benson and her old partner. Nobody really talked about it, but it was like they were married. I don't know if they did anything, but she hasn't been the same since he left."

Amanda glanced down for a second, then back up as she said, "She in love with him?"

He just shrugged, not really wanting to get into it. "Doesn't really matter, does it? He left. And we're not talking about them."

"You brought it up," Amanda pointed out, and her gave her a look.

"I always had male partners, then I got partnered with you." He grinned at her a little and nodded. "You're not my usual type, but you're pretty cute."

Amanda rolled her eyes, but couldn't keep the smile from her face. "Gee, thanks." She brushed some hair behind her ear, suddenly feeling self-conscious. All her previous thoughts about how easy it would be to change the nature of their relationship had disappeared, because she realized it wouldn't just be comfort sex. She cared about him, too.

"You haven't made it easy, you know. I've always felt like we're on the same page." He hesitated, then reached over to take her hand. Amanda looked down at their joined hands, then back up to his face, unsure of where he was going with this. "That's why it's so hard to watch you throw your life away like this. I'm on your side, Manda. So is everyone else on the squad. You gotta believe that. I just want you to let me, let _us_, in." Amanda looked back down, and he could tell it was maybe too much for her to process, so he backtracked. "At the very least, tell me what's going on."

Amanda shrugged, not looking up. "You already know what's been happening. You let me have it back in the squad room, remember?"

"You know what I mean. Come on, Manda." He kept his tone low and calm, not accusing, but persistent. "I'm no therapist, but I'm a good listener. We can figure something out, together."

Amanda took a couple of breaths, weighing his words, then looked up. "I can be a real bitch when I don't get my way," she warned, but he took it as a positive sign and nodded.

"I can handle that," he said, and Amanda knew that was the truth. He could probably handle her angry better than he could handle her in tears. But she was seeing a new side of him tonight. She'd started to see it the other night at the bar, when he handed her that cash, his thumb brushing her knuckles, and he actually held on to her hand for a few seconds before he left, and not because he had second thoughts on giving her the money. She could tell from the way he looked at her when he said he wanted her to stop that he was genuinely concerned for her well-being; she imagined if they were the touchy-feely type of partners and they'd been alone, he might have hugged her.

At that thought, she looked back to Fin, who seemed to be waiting patiently for whatever happened next. That was one thing she really appreciated about him. He was content to sit back and let things play out for the most part, until he felt the need to step in. If he was telling her she needed to stop, then she needed to stop.

"Fin?" she said after another moment, and he lifted his eyebrows to show he was listening. "Would I be pushing it to ask for another hug?"

He only looked mildly surprised at the request, and he shook his head after a moment. "Nah, that's no problem."

Amanda was still a little hesitant to approach him, even though he seemed relaxed, but then he opened his arms and gave her a look that said, 'You want some of this?' and she smiled as she found herself drawn to him, circling her arms around his torso as she scooted closer to him, so close their thighs touched.

Fin let his arms drop around her, pulling her closer despite himself, and he felt Amanda let out a deep breath. That alone made him feel better, knowing she was getting comfortable, releasing some of the stress that had made its home in her body for who knows how long.

He lifted a hand and ran it over her head, which she tipped to rest on his chest. "Let it out," he said. "I got you."

Amanda let out a shuddering breath at the sound of his voice, his words, how his chest rumbled beneath her ear. It felt like a cliché to even think it, but she felt like she could stay there forever. She felt safe. No bookies, no victims, nothing except the two of them, a man and a woman. She could almost forget they were partners, cops. Almost.

Still, even the reminder that they were colleagues and they should keep a professional, if friendly, relationship wasn't enough to quell the emotions that came from his touch. She lifted her head, pushing away from him just enough so she could look him in the eye.

He returned her gaze, and what happened next was an unspoken agreement, as they came together in a kiss. Amanda turned so she faced him, kneeling on the couch and placing her hands on his cheeks, while Fin grasped her waist. The kiss didn't last long, though, as Fin pulled away, shaking his head.

"We shouldn't," he said, his voice hushed.

Amanda nodded, and her voice was equally as soft when she spoke. "I know."

Fin opened his eyes and stretched his arms over his head as he yawned, lying flat on his back for a few seconds before propping himself up on one elbow. His gaze landed on the other side of his bed, the blonde hair sprawled across the pillow, pale skin covered only with a top sheet. She was still asleep and he didn't want to wake her, and he was content to just watch her sleep. He knew this was a bad idea, but he was happy Amanda seemed relaxed, and he didn't regret what had happened. He wasn't sure what would happen now, but they'd worry about that later.

For now, it was still in the wee hours of the morning and they didn't have to be to work for a few hours, so Fin lay down again, hesitating for only a moment before curling up behind Amanda and draping an arm over her. Tomorrow. They'd deal with this tomorrow.

**THE END**


End file.
